This video highlights the issues surrounding acquaintance rape and the pain it causes. I found this at http://ckkellymartin.blogspot.com/search/label/sex%20ed%20and%20health.
xxx
Friday, 30 November 2007
Acquaintance rape
Thursday, 29 November 2007
Today
Today I am feeling;
tired,
depressed,
sick,
scared,
worried.
Not a great combination. I have to get up at five tomorrow for swimming so I really should get somw sleep. I miss my boyfriend so much, he has been away for a week and I haven't seen him for 2 weeks. I haven't even talked to him on the phone for 4 days and usually we talk every night.
He is so lovely and supportive, I just want him back so I can have a cuddle!
Love and hope to everyone.
Xxx
Technorati tags: Boyfriend Depressed
tired,
depressed,
sick,
scared,
worried.
Not a great combination. I have to get up at five tomorrow for swimming so I really should get somw sleep. I miss my boyfriend so much, he has been away for a week and I haven't seen him for 2 weeks. I haven't even talked to him on the phone for 4 days and usually we talk every night.
He is so lovely and supportive, I just want him back so I can have a cuddle!
Love and hope to everyone.
Xxx
Technorati tags: Boyfriend Depressed
Wednesday, 28 November 2007
Self harm
On the 15th of December it will be one year since I have self harmed. I thought i'd be so proud, but I just feel tired. I still feel the same, I just don't cope with it in that way anymore.
I used to scratch the skin off my fingers when I had flashbacks. I don't think the scars will heal for a long time. I only had one incident of cutting, but I still keep razor blades on my bedside table. Just in case. I hated self harming, but it gave me peace. It gave me one night on my own in my head, without being raped again. It gave me one day in a daze, without pressure or pain or feeling.
I cut 7 deep cuts across my stomach. They bled for hours. I was free for hours that night.
I can't pretend i'm not scared. I thought if I stopped it would be hard for a while but I would get used to it, in time it would go away. Now I know there is no such thing as an ex-self harmer. Not for me anyway.
I wrote this poem at age 14,
Only a child,
scared of the dark.
She needs you.
The tears fall, and
the blood runs.
She needs you.
Alone in the dark,
nothing but fear.
She needs you.
Make it stop, the blood
washes away the pain.
I need you.
All I want is to not feel anymore. But if I can't feel pain I can't fel happy. If I stop feeling the abuse I will stop feeling love. If I choose to end the fear I will never be brave. If I can't get out I will never be free.
For any others struggling to overcome this pain, I am always here to support anyone who needs it.
Here are some self harm links that I found useful:
For young people
General information
Myth buster
Technorati tags: Self harm Flashbacks
I used to scratch the skin off my fingers when I had flashbacks. I don't think the scars will heal for a long time. I only had one incident of cutting, but I still keep razor blades on my bedside table. Just in case. I hated self harming, but it gave me peace. It gave me one night on my own in my head, without being raped again. It gave me one day in a daze, without pressure or pain or feeling.
I cut 7 deep cuts across my stomach. They bled for hours. I was free for hours that night.
I can't pretend i'm not scared. I thought if I stopped it would be hard for a while but I would get used to it, in time it would go away. Now I know there is no such thing as an ex-self harmer. Not for me anyway.
I wrote this poem at age 14,
Only a child,
scared of the dark.
She needs you.
The tears fall, and
the blood runs.
She needs you.
Alone in the dark,
nothing but fear.
She needs you.
Make it stop, the blood
washes away the pain.
I need you.
All I want is to not feel anymore. But if I can't feel pain I can't fel happy. If I stop feeling the abuse I will stop feeling love. If I choose to end the fear I will never be brave. If I can't get out I will never be free.
For any others struggling to overcome this pain, I am always here to support anyone who needs it.
Here are some self harm links that I found useful:
For young people
General information
Myth buster
Technorati tags: Self harm Flashbacks
Tuesday, 27 November 2007
Camp
I was camping last weekend and it was really fun. We got very wet and cold, but anyone stupid enough to camp in November deserves that. We did have a small fire going on the Saturday,which I sat and stared at for about an hour.
Something scary did happen in the evening though, we were all just talking inside one of the buildings and I started having a flashback. I didn't show it, just said I was going down to the toilet quickly. One of my friends realised that something was up, he said I went really white all of a sudden.
He followed me downstairs, where I was leant against the wall, trying to breathe. I started breathing really fast and my hands were shaking loads. He hugged me for ages trying to comfort me. When I stopped crying he made sure I was OK and then we went for a walk so I could calm down. When we got back to the others I looked like nothing had happened. He is one of my best frends ever, I think i'd die without him!
I'm so lucky to have all my friends now to look after me. I got so used to being alone and hiding everything all the time that I forgot what great people I had around me. I think well all be Ok as long as we have friends around us and don't push them away.
lovexxxxxxxx
Technorati tags: Rape Flashbacks
Something scary did happen in the evening though, we were all just talking inside one of the buildings and I started having a flashback. I didn't show it, just said I was going down to the toilet quickly. One of my friends realised that something was up, he said I went really white all of a sudden.
He followed me downstairs, where I was leant against the wall, trying to breathe. I started breathing really fast and my hands were shaking loads. He hugged me for ages trying to comfort me. When I stopped crying he made sure I was OK and then we went for a walk so I could calm down. When we got back to the others I looked like nothing had happened. He is one of my best frends ever, I think i'd die without him!
I'm so lucky to have all my friends now to look after me. I got so used to being alone and hiding everything all the time that I forgot what great people I had around me. I think well all be Ok as long as we have friends around us and don't push them away.
lovexxxxxxxx
Technorati tags: Rape Flashbacks
Wednesday, 21 November 2007
My story
WARNING THIS MAY BE TRIGGERING. PLEASE BE IN A SAFE PLACE BEFORE YOU READ.
This post is basically to bring you up to date with what happened to me and everything that has gone on since, just so we all know where we stand.
I was 12 years old. I was away for a 2 part leadership course with some scouts who I had never met before. The first part of the course went on for two days so we were sleeping in the scout hall. Us girls had gone out of our room to the main hall off it where the boys were sleeping and there was a small group of us playing truth or dare. The boy sat next to me was trying to get his arm round me, but I kept pushing him off. When he finally got dared to hug me, he pushed against me very hard, then kept his arm around me, too tight for me to get away without making a fuss, and I knew he'd hurt me if I embarrassed him like that.
He started whispering things in my ear so the others couldn't hear. Exactly what he said I can't remember but I do know that whatever the threats were, I believed them and they scared me enough to submit to what he was doing. He told me to go with him to his sleeping bag in the corner of the room and lie down. He lay over the top of me and started to pull at my top and bra, hurting me so much I undid the bra. He then started putting his hands in my pants and all over my body. This went on for about 3 hours. When he put hands right down my pants I started crying. He laughed and stood up to go to the toilets outside.
I went back to my own sleeping bag in the girl's room and got in hoping just to sleep and that he wouldn't come after me. There was one other girl in the room, asleep. I lay facing the doorway, feeling numb, hoping that he wasn't coming for me. When I saw the door open and him come into the dark room I lay completely still, hoping he wouldn't recognise me. I could hear the footsteps coming closer but they went past and I breathed a sigh of relief, only to have my head pushed down into the floor by the weight of his hand. I was almost smothered and he was a dead weight across me as he stuck his fingers inside me again and again until his hands were bloody.
I came round a couple of hours later and stumbled to the bathroom where I found blood in my knickers and more on the toilet paper I had used to clean myself up. I went back to bed and got up when everybody else did. I had to pretend to be going out with him for the rest of that day. I knew I still had the second weekend of the course to go so would have to see him again. He made me give him my telephone number and texted the number constantly until I told a friend of mine who went to his school to tel him he was dumped. I knew this would make him angry but I couldn't cope with the texts anymore.
On the second weekend of the course I made sure not to be alone with him and tried to stay with the group. This almost worked, but at one point I was stood next to a pile of wood chippings, and before I knew what was happening he was on top of me, pushing his body into mine and burying my face in the dirt so I couldn't breathe. He didn't stop until someone pulled him off me and I ran to the other side of the woods from him.
I have never seen him since but I feel what he did to me everyday in my nightmares and flashbacks. I reported him to the police 2 years afterwards and almost killed myself doing it, but nothing was done. He denied it in interview and no-one else was ever spoken to by the police. However I was told that once someone else had been raped and their lives torn to shreds, if they had enough courage to report then my case would be dragged back up and I would get to go through he whole traumatising process again, except this time I would have to know exactly how many others had been hurt by this entirely preventable process.
If anyone else has read this and wants to put forward their own story then leave it in a private comment and I Will post it here for you. Thank you.
Technorati tags: Rape Sexual assault
This post is basically to bring you up to date with what happened to me and everything that has gone on since, just so we all know where we stand.
I was 12 years old. I was away for a 2 part leadership course with some scouts who I had never met before. The first part of the course went on for two days so we were sleeping in the scout hall. Us girls had gone out of our room to the main hall off it where the boys were sleeping and there was a small group of us playing truth or dare. The boy sat next to me was trying to get his arm round me, but I kept pushing him off. When he finally got dared to hug me, he pushed against me very hard, then kept his arm around me, too tight for me to get away without making a fuss, and I knew he'd hurt me if I embarrassed him like that.
He started whispering things in my ear so the others couldn't hear. Exactly what he said I can't remember but I do know that whatever the threats were, I believed them and they scared me enough to submit to what he was doing. He told me to go with him to his sleeping bag in the corner of the room and lie down. He lay over the top of me and started to pull at my top and bra, hurting me so much I undid the bra. He then started putting his hands in my pants and all over my body. This went on for about 3 hours. When he put hands right down my pants I started crying. He laughed and stood up to go to the toilets outside.
I went back to my own sleeping bag in the girl's room and got in hoping just to sleep and that he wouldn't come after me. There was one other girl in the room, asleep. I lay facing the doorway, feeling numb, hoping that he wasn't coming for me. When I saw the door open and him come into the dark room I lay completely still, hoping he wouldn't recognise me. I could hear the footsteps coming closer but they went past and I breathed a sigh of relief, only to have my head pushed down into the floor by the weight of his hand. I was almost smothered and he was a dead weight across me as he stuck his fingers inside me again and again until his hands were bloody.
I came round a couple of hours later and stumbled to the bathroom where I found blood in my knickers and more on the toilet paper I had used to clean myself up. I went back to bed and got up when everybody else did. I had to pretend to be going out with him for the rest of that day. I knew I still had the second weekend of the course to go so would have to see him again. He made me give him my telephone number and texted the number constantly until I told a friend of mine who went to his school to tel him he was dumped. I knew this would make him angry but I couldn't cope with the texts anymore.
On the second weekend of the course I made sure not to be alone with him and tried to stay with the group. This almost worked, but at one point I was stood next to a pile of wood chippings, and before I knew what was happening he was on top of me, pushing his body into mine and burying my face in the dirt so I couldn't breathe. He didn't stop until someone pulled him off me and I ran to the other side of the woods from him.
I have never seen him since but I feel what he did to me everyday in my nightmares and flashbacks. I reported him to the police 2 years afterwards and almost killed myself doing it, but nothing was done. He denied it in interview and no-one else was ever spoken to by the police. However I was told that once someone else had been raped and their lives torn to shreds, if they had enough courage to report then my case would be dragged back up and I would get to go through he whole traumatising process again, except this time I would have to know exactly how many others had been hurt by this entirely preventable process.
If anyone else has read this and wants to put forward their own story then leave it in a private comment and I Will post it here for you. Thank you.
Technorati tags: Rape Sexual assault
My first post!
Hi!
OK so i'm pretty new to this. I'll start off with why i'm here...
3 years ago I was sexually assulted by someone I had only just met. I will not go into too much detail here, sufice to say that anyone who has been through this sort of thing knows how much it hurts, and how hard it is to tell anyone or get help. I hope that this blog will help others to get support and help if they are going through a hard time. I would not judge anyone so anyone can leave a comment about anything related to any type of sexual abuse. I will try to post regularly on what is going on with my own recovery and any information that I think could be useful.
In my own life I have found it really hard to come to terms with what happened, I think mainly because I was so young when it happened (12 and 14 when I finally told) and because it was my first experience of anything sexual. I have since had issues with self harm, flashbacks and trusting anyone, even my own parents! So you can see I really have no stigma about any of this sort of thing. I would also like to say that if there are any guys out there who need support feel free to come on here without fear of stigma! I also know that there are a lot of people out there who have developed eating disoders as a result of their experiences and you will also have all of the support I can give.
I will try to be as open-minded as possible on here and if there is any information poeple would like to see then just leave a comment and I will try to sort this out for you all! One last message, anyone who leaves comments or messages which are abusive or encourage stigma of any kind will be blocked and the comments deleted. I would ask anyone who sees this behaviour to report as soon as possible and I will sort it out! Thanks for reading, I hope we can have a supportive community for everyone running as soon as possible!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Technorati tags: Rape Flashbacks Self harm Eating disorder
OK so i'm pretty new to this. I'll start off with why i'm here...
3 years ago I was sexually assulted by someone I had only just met. I will not go into too much detail here, sufice to say that anyone who has been through this sort of thing knows how much it hurts, and how hard it is to tell anyone or get help. I hope that this blog will help others to get support and help if they are going through a hard time. I would not judge anyone so anyone can leave a comment about anything related to any type of sexual abuse. I will try to post regularly on what is going on with my own recovery and any information that I think could be useful.
In my own life I have found it really hard to come to terms with what happened, I think mainly because I was so young when it happened (12 and 14 when I finally told) and because it was my first experience of anything sexual. I have since had issues with self harm, flashbacks and trusting anyone, even my own parents! So you can see I really have no stigma about any of this sort of thing. I would also like to say that if there are any guys out there who need support feel free to come on here without fear of stigma! I also know that there are a lot of people out there who have developed eating disoders as a result of their experiences and you will also have all of the support I can give.
I will try to be as open-minded as possible on here and if there is any information poeple would like to see then just leave a comment and I will try to sort this out for you all! One last message, anyone who leaves comments or messages which are abusive or encourage stigma of any kind will be blocked and the comments deleted. I would ask anyone who sees this behaviour to report as soon as possible and I will sort it out! Thanks for reading, I hope we can have a supportive community for everyone running as soon as possible!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Technorati tags: Rape Flashbacks Self harm Eating disorder
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